One Door Closes, Another One Opens

Our IVF cycle was unsuccessful. I'm not sure in which direction to go from here. I'm so disappointed and hurt. My heart feels as if it was ripped out from my chest and shattered into a million pieces. I honestly thought the cycle would work.  Everything seemed to be going so smoothly. For the first time in I can't even begin to explain, I felt pain free. Now I'm left feeling like a failure. This past year was devoted to "taking care of me", preparing my body before pregnancy. Now it's all thrown alway.  I'm back to square one trying to figure out how to live and manage the pain from the Endometriosis.

On the other hand, at least I have my answer. I knew going into this whole process that the chances weren't very promising. Part of me needed to hear it for myself. As much as it breaks my heart I can have some piece of mind that I can move  forward. Life has never been an easy ride for me which makes this experience less painful.

Thank you again for all your kind wishes, prayers and support. This may be the end of a chapter but only the beginning of what life has enstored  for us.

Updates

I know it's been awhile since I last wrote a blog but the truth is it's been difficult to type with my fingers crossed. My husband and I want this to work out so badly that we cannot put into words.

I can add that we are traveling down a better path. Two out of the three eggs retrieved did fertilize and were successfully transferred on the third day (last Friday). The embryos were graded at  9 and 6 cells. I've read that embryos should have 8 cells or more in order to be successful for transfer day 3. The doctor who performed the transfer seemed pleased and said they were baby ready. For the first time ever I can honestly admit to feeling pain free. By this time in my cycle I would be in such agony that it would hurt to walk. I am still taking prenatal vitamins along with progesterone inserts and estrogen pills. Thank goodness for not having to do any more injections. The injections lasted six days and weren't very fun...to say the least. I did suck it up and did what needed to get gone. I'm good on needles for quite some time. The doctors visits still remain for blood monitoring checking progesterone and estrogen levels.

I am still amazed that we have gotten this far into our journey. Our attitude has always remained positive and we kept focusing on moving forward. Time will tell what the next step will be. Thank you to all who have taken the time to read this blog and follow our journey. Your love and support means the world to us!

Houston, We have lift-off.

It's been decided that tomorrow will be our retrieval day. We are very excited and hopeful but understand that things might not work out to plan. Our attitude throughout this whole process has always been to hope for the best but expect the worst. Time will tell at this point.

So Far,,,Not So Good

Today we went back to the doctor which seemed to be the 10th visit this week. I feel like a permanent fixture at that office. I saw a different doctor because my doctor wasn't in the office. We had been informed that I was only able to produce three eggs when I was under the impression I was carrying five. Either way, five or three is not a very good number ideally for IVF retrieval. In a perfect world I would produce ten or more but I guess I just need to be grateful of what I have. I knew going into this process that I might not be able to produce more than five eggs. Unfortunately only three could be what we are going to be working with. The doctor did toss out the idea that we might want to terminate this cycle and possible try again next month. We could run into the risk of next month of being capable of producing only one or two eggs. It's just an endless road of possibilities.

My thoughts and feelings are at this point, go through with the cycle! We have gotten this far and although our chances seem very slim to none, we do believe in miracles and defying the odds. Keep those prayers coming & those fingers crossed!

So Far,,,,So Good.

It's been five days since I started the stimulating hormones. They have me on Menapur & Follistim. Since I am getting closer to ovulation, I am now using Ganirelix to prevent ovulation. I've experienced some headaches and dizziness within the last two days. Today I felt nauseous and lightheaded. The doctor said it was contributed towards an increase in estrogen. My ovaries are responding well to stimulating hormones and I have five potential egg candidates so far! At this point, my retrieval date could be as early as this Wednesday. I was so excited when the doctor delivered me that news today. This means that I will only have to administer possibly 8 days of injections instead of 10.  Not only that, I will hopefully be on the road to bigger and better news!!