A New State of Mind

My husband and I have agreed that this fertility route needs to take a detour. My body and not to mention our pockets have been through hell and high waters. Enough is a enough and we have decided to take a more natural approach to this situation. I am exhausted, emotionally drained from this whole experience and need a break. Don't get the impression that I am giving up. I am simply choosing to step away and have intentions of picking up where I ended off. This break will hopefully clear my head to help me relax. Afterall, isn't it when women are not trying they find themselves pregnant. Wish us luck of this new journey.

Moving on...

It's been four days since my Laparoscopy surgery was proven to be successful. I had a cyst removed from my left ovary (the one that was causing all the pain). The tube is said to be opened by my doctor at this time. On the right ovary, I had a hematoma removed. This was most likely caused during the egg retrieval while undergoing IVF .  My doctor thought it was endo because it appeared to be an endometrioma. Other than that, I no longer have any existing endometriosis on any of my organs at this time! I hope to live a pain free life for quite some time.

Dear Endo,

You may have broken my heart into a million pieces and stolen my fertility but I have news for you. I want you to know that you may be winning this battle but you may never take away my soul. Someday you will be history. A cure will destroy your existence forever so you will never infect another woman again.

Until then, I pledge to never stop fighting you no matter how difficult and unbearable you become.

Insincerely Yours,
Your Force to be Reckoned With

Where do we go from here?

I wish someone would just tell me the answer already. I understand that is how life works. Some people just have it so much easier than others. When you have been through as much as I have, you kind of hope for some sort of a break. Instead I am left feeling uncertainty and disappointment -I'm back to the drawing board. What do I do now?

I did have an appointment to see my GYN today. He asks "Do you still want to try to get pregnant?" My response with a tear in my eye was that I can accept not being able to get pregnant naturally or in the lab. What I really want is to just to be free of this pain every month. This is no way to live. I am scheduled tomorrow for a sonogram. The game is back on!